Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
