I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
