I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
