I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
