i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
