He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
