So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize