his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
