Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
