If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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