she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
