When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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