I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
