Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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