how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
