Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
