Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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