i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
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I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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