So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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