At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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