My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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