my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
