A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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