No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
