I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
