Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
