They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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