just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
