He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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