True but thats because hes a fetus.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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