I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
