"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
