I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You made out with two different species that night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
