I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
