If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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