margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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