Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
