Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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