Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
