he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
