I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i was born a porn star she said
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
