i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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