You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
