I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
