I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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