I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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