You're my little dorito
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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