I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
