Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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