I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
