I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
