I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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