put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
