If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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