Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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