i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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