My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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