She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
