Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
