dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
