I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
