You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
