So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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