Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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