it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
