I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
