I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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